Reflections on Psalm 31 (9-16) from evening prayer

I know me
I know what I’m like
I know my shortcomings, my failings, my flaws
I know where I have too much, or not enough
where symmetry falls short
and the bumps that protrude where they shouldn’t

sometimes, even now
it feels like middle school
where everyone is watching
everyone is judging
everyone looks down on me
because of how I am
look close, you’ll see what I see

I am in distress
a scorn, a horror, an object of dread

and there’s nothing I can do
as much as I try, I always fall short of the ideal
I always fall short of what I ought to be
what the world around me says is acceptable
the magazines and the tv shows
the journal articles and the advertisements

all remind me of what I’m not
that I don’t measure up


my times are in your hand
hold me in your hand
hold my failings and fears
hold my shortcomings and shortsightedness
hold my flaws and foolishness
hold me in your hand
and help me to trust that I am beautifully and wonderfully made
that you, and no other,
that you knit me together in my mother’s womb

let me trust in you
for you are my God
let me trust in you, for you deliver me from my enemies
and from myself
let me trust in you
and let your face shine on me
let me trust in you,
in your steadfast love
let me trust in you
and your promise of resurrection and new life.

Amen.