Children in Worship, once more

Today at church there were quite a few kids.  Many of those who often show up were there at the same time.  Plus, there were a number of others who were visiting to celebrate a baptism. 

And there was life.

I think we all felt it. 

There was an atmosphere of vibrancy at worship, as if the energy of the young people was contagious.  Now you must know that there was a time or two when someone in the congregation might have though that one or two of the children was momentarily too loud ... but by and large, even when a child made some noise, the atmosphere carried life rather than annoyance.

And what I believe the community experienced during the liturgy, in addition to our own worship, was the worship of those young people. 

By the simple fact of being in the midst of the whole rest of the congregation, they allowed the rest of us (who are normally relatively quiet during the liturgy) to catch a glimpse of their own experience of the divine. 

Which got me to thinking ... who are we (who prefer it quiet) to say that (we're right and) the children are wrong to make noise when they worship?



Why is it that we act like we believe that the only way to worship is by sitting still and being quiet?  What if they, with their squirmy selves, are worshipping more fully than we with our minds that get so distracted by grocery lists and family concerns and whether we'll get out of here in under an hour this week?

For the little beautiful one who was baptized today, I heard the noises of the other kids calling to her.  I heard, "Come and join us here - we're in a place where we are welcomed as we are."

She was welcomed into community by young and old alike this morning.  But what if she had been the only non-adult present this morning?  What if the entire congregation had been adult?  She would have certianly received a welcome. 

But it wouldn't have been enough.  She would have only been welcomed in an adult way, into an adult community, where the expectation would be that she should worship like an adult. 

Thanks be to God there was diversity of ages joined together in worship this morning, so that the newly baptized could be welcomed, exactly as she is, by the whole people of God. 

And thanks be to God for children who have not yet put away childish things ... for it is to such as these that the kingdom of God belongs.

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Children in Worship, Again

In the congregation where I serve as pastor, we've been thinking and talking (and struggling just a little bit) with the place and role of children and parents in worship. 

In our June newsletter (we publish a monthly newsletter designed to connect folks to our life together as church), the article I wrote was focused on this topic. 

I'd love to hear any feedback that my seven (ten?) readers might have.  Since it's written to a particular congregation, I'll edit the article so that, hopefully, it makes sense here in this context.

... many of you have noticed that "children in worship" has become a topic of conversation in this congregation.

From what I’ve heard, the conversation has typically been focused on how children behave in worship.  I think that, for the most part, we all agree that it’s good for children to be in worship.  I think most of us agree that there’s a certain amount of noise a child can make, and a certain amount of moving around that a child can do before that child becomes an inappropriate distraction to folks around her or him.  And I think most of us agree that if children can’t behave well, if they move around too much or make too much noise, it’s best for them to be taken into the narthex (foyer/lobby) until they’re calmed down.

The trouble that we identified the other day at the church council (governing body in the congregation) meeting is that each one of us has a different definition of “too much”.

We are a varied and diverse group of people ~ I question whether we’ll be able to come up with a radius of movement or a decibel level that everyone can agree to.

So I started wondering ~ what if we re-frame our conversation?  I’m sure we already think in these terms, but what if we start saying out loud to each other, “How are we raising up children in the faith?”, and “How are we fulfilling the promises we made to young people when they were baptized?”

To that end, I’d like to think for a moment about we do well as a congregation, rather than worrying about what any particular individual or household does poorly.

1) Among other things, this congregation has a tradition of inviting young people to a front-row seat to watch baptisms, which allows them to be surrounded by a whole congregation confessing their faith and praying for each other. 

2) This congregation has a tradition of welcoming children to hear a message geared to them during the worship service. 

3) This congregation has a tradition of pairing confirmation students with adult mentors for conversation and worship during the season of Lent. 

4) This congregation has a tradition of providing children a safe place to make friends with other children and with caring adults.

I wonder how our conversation would be different if our concern was less about what other people are doing during worship and more about how we as a congregation can best raise up children of faith.  I’m excited to continue to hear from you, and to continue to have this conversation. 

My hope for the congregation I serve, and for this forum as well, is that this can be a start to conversation about who we are and how we are as children of G-d. 

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Children in Worship

There can be no keener revelation of a society's soul than the way in which it treats its children.

     ~ Nelson Mandela

I don't know whether it actually happened or not, but I heard one time about an old and curmudgeonly pastor who was asked about the noise that some children were making during worship, especially during the sermon. Picture the classic and stereotypical German Lutheran pastor who was of the age to have retired in the early 1970's. You know, a little bit gruff and a little bit opinionated and a little bit stubborn.

What I heard is that, when he was asked about the noise children were making, he replied that he enjoyed it … he said that the screaming of little children during the worship service is simply evidence that parents are bringing their children up in the church.

The way I imagine the conversation going, I don't think that the questioners getting the answer from the pastor that they wanted.

That congregation (the one with the old German pastor, a congregation and pastor which may well only exist in my mind) is not the only one where children (and the parents of children) who make noise or move around during worship get sideways looks from other members of the congregation; it's not the only congregation where people come to the pastor with a complaint about those children, or a request that the leadership come up with a solution to the distraction that children cause during the liturgy.

From what I can tell, the problems that people have with children in worship have to do with their own personal comfort level, with their own ability to pay attention to the liturgy, and with their own ability to worship.

To be fair, when there's a child who's screaming during the sermon, it's hard to hear what the preacher is saying. When there's a child who scampers away from their parents during the choir's anthem, some of the harmonies might be a little off. When the child behind you is rustling papers or crinkly toys, you might not catch every word of the Eucharistic prayer.

That's all true. Those things might be distractions to one or more individuals in their worship. If that's true, then arguably I need to be distracted from worship, because it would seem my worship is more about me than it is about G-d. 

Plus, the approach to worship (that I need to get something out of worship or it's not worthwhile) carries with it the assumption that those who lead worship are the providers of a service, and those who are in the congregation are simply consumers.

The truth is, though, that when children are moving around and making some noise, I can both watch them and pay attention to the preaching.  I can hear the child behind me and hear the choir's anthem.  I can turn my head toward the child who's escaped from their family's pew while I continue to sing and pray.

Some congregations have the (explicit or implicit) expectation that when children are even the slightest bit "disruptive", the parents should remove them from the sanctuary.  Unfortunately, requiring parents to remove children from the sanctuary feels a lot like removing families from the community.  

When we invite (or ask, or require) parents to stifle their children, we communicate a belief that children's whole selves are not welcome in the Body of Christ. Of course we would never say this out loud. But if part of the nature of children is that they move around and make a little noise, to require them to be still and quiet is to say that the nature of children is not welcome in worship.

Obviously it's not appropriate for the sanctuary to resemble a day care center (where children are encouraged to move around as much as they want). At the same time, the sanctuary should not be as a library either.  The atmosphere should probably not be chaotic, and the atmosphere should probably not be overly restrained.  

We need to feel free to bring our whole selves into the worshiping community. 

We should echo the proclamation of Gospel with loud and bold Amens. We should sing with deep breath and full voices. We should eat heartily and drink deeply of the bread and cup when we come to the Eucharistic table. 

In our worship, we are called to embrace and embody and celebrate the fullness of life. Children should not be stifled – neither should adults, for that matter – for we are all the Body of Christ. When any one is missing (or kept away), the Body is lesser. 

And I think none of us (in the Church) want to lessen the Body of Christ.

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We Have A Choice

It seems to me that where some people see a problem, others see a gift or an opportunity. For instance, this morning the congregation I serve gathered for worship … you know, like we do every Sunday.

Like many congregations, we have two worship services each week. And, like many congregations, individual members and households tend to come to one or the other of those two worship services.

At our later worship service this morning, I'm sure I'm not the only one who noticed a little extra noise from some of the children who were there. It's not the first time that the noise of children has been noticeable, and for my part I always like hearing young people in worship.

Not everyone does, though, and I understand the reaction. If a person has come to worship for a bit of calm in the midst of a hectic life, or if they've come to hear scripture in new ways, or to sing songs, or to hear a sermon that might impact their upcoming week, a loud child might be distracting. I understand.

But this morning, as I was listening and looking around, I started noticing who was there and I started counting. Almost 25% of the people at that worship service were under the age of 8. Almost 25%.

Sure, those almost 25% were making some noise. But I started thinking that the rest of us (who know how to 'behave' in church) have a choice to make. One choice we can make is to complain about the noise.

Another, and I'd say a better, choice we can make would be to celebrate the truth that our congregation is a place where parents want to bring their children; to celebrate that we have a chance to share the faith that has enriched our own lives so much with another generation.

And maybe we can also celebrate the truth that these young people, who Jesus called to himself, might have something to teach us about how to recognize the Reign of G-d.

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Noticing Children

chants and songs

ancient stories and prayers

wash over children who are

turned backward in a pew

crayons and cheerios strewn about;

others coo and mutter

from their spot with mom in the back row,

or circle the narthex, paying little

attention to worship while dad listens

with one ear to the sermon

yet the ancient stories and prayers

chants and songs washing over them

cannot help but to shape their faith

even as they, these children

shape ours

All Saint's Sunday

children's playing
intrudes upon and mixes with the
first Sunday in November litany
as it brings to mind and heart
saints of all times and places

are those, the littlest making noise,
raindrops from such a
great cloud of witnesses?

Worship

I tend to believe that the sermon is the least important thing that happens in worship. Sure, many of us preachers tend to spend way more time writing sermons than we spend preparing the prayers of the people; way more time writing sermons than we spend writing eucharistic prayers; way more time writing sermons than we spend choosing hymns or reading scripture or coordinating with the altar guild to make sure the sanctuary is appropriately adorned.

Despite how much time we spend on the sermon, I still believe it's the least important thing we do as worship leaders. Not that the sermon is unimportant; quite the opposite. The sermon is important, because it's an obvious and tangible way that our corporate worship connects us to contemporary life. But it's not the only way.

I've often said that the only way I get anything out of the sermon is if I preach it. And then it's usually in the preparation. I listen to plenty of sermons, but it's rare that I remember anything from any of them. On occasion (maybe one time out of 100), I will be moved by a sermon. Not that there's anything wrong with the preacher or the preaching ~ it's just not how I've always connected with G-d. I've always been much more inclined to encounter the divine in the poetry and music of song as opposed to the spoken word. Further, the rhythmic back-and-forth of proclamation and response verse of liturgical worship can occasionally draw me into a holy communion in ways that sermons never have.

Beyond all that, when I preach, I fully expect my words to be flawed. I expect Holy Spirit to do divine work through my words, and I do not take the role of preacher lightly ~ but my words will be flawed. They're probably not as important as some in the congregation make them out to be. Isn't it enough to be together with the community, encounter the living Christ through story and word and meal and song and community?

Sure, preaching is important. But if that baby in front of you is screaming, and you can't hear the sermon, maybe it's G-d trying to get your attention. Maybe today G-d doesn't have anything to say to you through the sermon; maybe G-d's message is to be found in the child who some would call a distraction.

When will we move beyond the marketplace question 'what do I get out of worship?' and on to the communal question, 'how are we being church together today?'

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Children in Worship: something of a rant?

Yes, sometimes children can be loud in worship. Yes, sometimes parents can appear to be somewhat inconsiderate when they don't keep their children quiet. Yes, it's disturbing when it's impossible to hear the sermon because a child in front of you is making enough noise to drown out the preacher.

But what if G-d's plan for this week is for that mom to hear the sermon? What if Holy Spirit has nothing to say to you today through the preaching, and everything to say to you through building relationship with that noisy child when you volunteer to take him out to the narthex so mom can hear the sermon? What if worship becomes less about us getting our needs met, and more about us being willing to meet the needs of others?

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